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Friday, November 13, 2009

Sigh......

juz wanna say i'm so sick of looking at my own image n disgusted with my own self. i don't want to be anybody else though...
juz hating my own
head
mind
body
soul
n no,
mother, i don't blame it on u for bringing me into this world.
for that i can't thank u enough for giving me the chance to be a part of your llife.
i beg your forgiveness for not being your shining star nor a glittering diamond
this heart of mine seems....
uncontented with its own existence
i juz can't forgive myself.....
but no worries mother,
i'll do my best to achieve this dream that we dreamt together as a whole family
i won't give up no matter how often i said that i will
i will always pray for u everytime before i go to sleep if i remember,which is always
in case i will no longer wake up. at least that is some last deed i did for u
even it might not be  as much as what u did for me
mother, i'm sorry for hating u so much
hope that u always know that
whatever happens
wherever i am
whenever i breathe
i will always love u unconditionally
mother, i know u love me
but i really hope that u'll know that i love u too...

Saturday, October 24, 2009

A day in a life of a person


on my way to town, this view has attracted me



a common view here,i found out as there are quite a lot of similar type of roof here




can you see the chair above the boat?
can you guess what is it for?



an amusing view?



a window of candies....



a hideout from chaos



a sorrow evening, luckily it didn't rain during my adventure



from the eye of the occupent of the attic


sea shells anyone???



tree, i guess you can see



can you figure out what this is?



the end.

Friday, October 16, 2009

For those whom i really care

just wanna tell those who do care for me that i will always care for u even though i may not show it in any obvious way...
especially dedicated to my family...
i luv u guys no matter what happen or what i did or what i said
this fact will remain forever,ever,ever...
like this song from Miley Cyrus-Right here

 


Hannah Montana Lyrics

Thursday, October 15, 2009

When it is wrong,is it wrong....


i actually seen this flower on my way home from class.it has nothing to do with my life today but just snap me out from my blues today. make me realise all the small thing that i should always appreciate.anyway, i don't know what's wrong with myself today.....
i feel so hollow and sorrow out of reason and it feel so....



and i really can't figure it out so


is it a sign of depression due to the weather change???

don't tell me a month in an alien land is enough to turn my world upside down.
WAITTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm not ready yet to be crazy,too many things that i haven't discover using this beatiful mind of mine

now in my mind it's like being in a middle of nowhere with only



 directions to go.

huhu~

but really i feel much better by the time i write this
cheers 




Saturday, May 9, 2009

Life's trade

what would you foresee when the whole world are coming against you and you are actually standing alone to face it


would you....
flee
cry
look away
scatter
angry
scared

or would you stand upright and face it with all you've got
has the a idea of being a martyr ever occurred in your mind???


noble,dignity and pride
such words that speak of honor do not however come in at cheap price
therefore at what bargain do you dare to put yourself in???

i have to learn through life that in order to get your hand on something,
you had to eventually let go of the things that you are holding in your grasp
with this statement, i confess that the dearly price of what i had to pay ,
do lift me up to a higher position in this world...

with that, i would like to post another question; how high do you want to be before you finally fall?

or would you think that the sky is the matter of fact is not the limit of whatsoever?

for me, falling is not an option nor the sky is my limit...

as for that...
though i may not have much experienced as many people would claim nor high intellectual ability to make me a respectably philosopher, i do have my experience on bargaining my way to success

indeed i am moving on with my life as if nothing would hold me back,very indeed
but it will never change the fact that everyday i have bear the fact in my mind that every steps that i take to go forward, i will not able to get back on things that i had to give along the process
it is similar like a profit you gain for a loss you cannot recover, plus you are also not allowed to regret it or the transaction will not be fruitful at all for you

on the other hand,
it never fails to unleash my tears whenever i brought myself to ponder about the price that i had to pay every time i am expecting a success in life

the first price that i had to pay,
is for the ticket to this game
it was also the most expensive one that i had ever come to pay - the loss of my dearest one
yet i shed no tear at the moment because everyone around me were weeping...
consequently, i do not allow myself the privilege of expressing my feeling simply because of my position i had to become the shoulder for everyone to cry on...
to look back at it, i was only twelve.
maybe, that the reason of what had become of my present self,
i find it hard to express myself clearly or to open up to others
so that the others can understand me
probably i am in no right of saying that i had faced the worst thing that any human might have
but what can be worse than facing the thing that you most feared in life then lost the ability to feel and express your emotion freely???

it is however not the end of my sufferings and tortures as i am still moving ahead in life with great steps,
to make the matter worst, i am actually living in fast forward motion

now for the time being, i am in deep fear of what is becoming to my future
i am no longer able to bear the aches of losing any more treasure that i owned
no more, i have nothing to offer anymore
i have lost all that are very close to me within these few years
other that that, i am not intending to give up any other souls that care for me
but still... i can't escape the stake that has been set in this bet
what shall i do....what can i do....

i know, if i managed to pass through this storm i will see the clear sky once again...
however,would i be ever to soar like an eagle to sail through this obstacle with widespread wings and glide the wind gracefully till i finally see the fine weather again


i hope that i manage to endure the pain...
as sorrow is my company
and patience is my lover



Friday, May 8, 2009

Salvation,forgiveness,helpless...

have you ever long for peace so much that it seems eternally you are hoping...



after listening to the song "Tourniquet" by Evanescene, it made me realize bout one important thing...
it is when all is gone and there is nowhere else to go...
we need to turn back to the starting point of everything...
probably the song might show you the situation through the eye of christianity
but that's however...is not really my point here
what i'm trying to say is in life, people tend to have different






AND




Religions...


it does not really matter whenever it comes to this one thing.....
it is the thing that all of us long for, whether we realize it or not
it will eventually lingers in your mind
it consistently nags your conscience
what is it????

the thing is actually PEACE ...

or whatever names you gave it

TrAn quILyTY

HarMOny

CAlmNEsS

the truth is...
i just want to remind you, me, myself and i
that when nothing else make sense, go back to the first thing that really make sense
and that is...the starting point of everything

the highest most devine entity which present in many terms depending on what we want to hold on to







hope it will inspire you to see the same light...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A Friend of Mine

i just accidently come across this old poem that i made about a year ago
it goes:



I used to have a friend
Forever and ever never a fiend
Striving hard together for an ambition we shared
As all my weakness he hardly cared
We went through life, high and low
Together we strive highly and shared our sorrow
Pity me, how late I discovered this treasure

For he is not around lately till forever
Forever I'm wishing that he'll be near
Sometime so much that I'm nearly in tear
As from this wide world he has gone
And news of this is widely known.

looking at it again do make me realize that i have lose so many thing in life
to be frank, i am totally agree with the saying
" You don't know what you got till it's gone."

still......
though i've pondered about it too many times now
the lesson has not been learnt yet

pity me,pity me

My own corner


i just want to find a corner of my own. Where people just pass by and ignore my present there. i know that's not most people would want isn't it ? Nowadays lots of us are shoving our way so hard to fame. Not that i loathe the idea of being known by others or popular... It's just that i, simply lost my way in searching for myself ...

i just want some space for me to figure out and feel and so to be my own self again.....just as me,an individual

despair....
is this is it???
why,for all this while
too much have i gave away,too much have i cared for,too much have i hold on,too much have i chased....

alas......
i left myself out in the end.

so, i plea for some small space just a minute room to squeeze in ...
to be , just me.Hoping just for some pure air to breath in without the need of putting on the mask that i paraded day by day in everyday that i strive to be another some one in this world.

pathetic as it is... i won't waste much energy to ponder upon this yet, at least not yet

Therefore,in this corner, a sanctuary of my own, i, just want to be ME...
doesn't matter of what is becoming of me in the future because, the achievement of creating a corner of my own for now, have made this insignificant ,disoriented soul a bit contented of its existent..