Saturday, May 9, 2009

Life's trade

what would you foresee when the whole world are coming against you and you are actually standing alone to face it

would you....
look away

or would you stand upright and face it with all you've got
has the a idea of being a martyr ever occurred in your mind???

noble,dignity and pride
such words that speak of honor do not however come in at cheap price
therefore at what bargain do you dare to put yourself in???

i have to learn through life that in order to get your hand on something,
you had to eventually let go of the things that you are holding in your grasp
with this statement, i confess that the dearly price of what i had to pay ,
do lift me up to a higher position in this world...

with that, i would like to post another question; how high do you want to be before you finally fall?

or would you think that the sky is the matter of fact is not the limit of whatsoever?

for me, falling is not an option nor the sky is my limit...

as for that...
though i may not have much experienced as many people would claim nor high intellectual ability to make me a respectably philosopher, i do have my experience on bargaining my way to success

indeed i am moving on with my life as if nothing would hold me back,very indeed
but it will never change the fact that everyday i have bear the fact in my mind that every steps that i take to go forward, i will not able to get back on things that i had to give along the process
it is similar like a profit you gain for a loss you cannot recover, plus you are also not allowed to regret it or the transaction will not be fruitful at all for you

on the other hand,
it never fails to unleash my tears whenever i brought myself to ponder about the price that i had to pay every time i am expecting a success in life

the first price that i had to pay,
is for the ticket to this game
it was also the most expensive one that i had ever come to pay - the loss of my dearest one
yet i shed no tear at the moment because everyone around me were weeping...
consequently, i do not allow myself the privilege of expressing my feeling simply because of my position i had to become the shoulder for everyone to cry on...
to look back at it, i was only twelve.
maybe, that the reason of what had become of my present self,
i find it hard to express myself clearly or to open up to others
so that the others can understand me
probably i am in no right of saying that i had faced the worst thing that any human might have
but what can be worse than facing the thing that you most feared in life then lost the ability to feel and express your emotion freely???

it is however not the end of my sufferings and tortures as i am still moving ahead in life with great steps,
to make the matter worst, i am actually living in fast forward motion

now for the time being, i am in deep fear of what is becoming to my future
i am no longer able to bear the aches of losing any more treasure that i owned
no more, i have nothing to offer anymore
i have lost all that are very close to me within these few years
other that that, i am not intending to give up any other souls that care for me
but still... i can't escape the stake that has been set in this bet
what shall i do....what can i do....

i know, if i managed to pass through this storm i will see the clear sky once again...
however,would i be ever to soar like an eagle to sail through this obstacle with widespread wings and glide the wind gracefully till i finally see the fine weather again

i hope that i manage to endure the pain...
as sorrow is my company
and patience is my lover

Friday, May 8, 2009


have you ever long for peace so much that it seems eternally you are hoping...

after listening to the song "Tourniquet" by Evanescene, it made me realize bout one important thing...
it is when all is gone and there is nowhere else to go...
we need to turn back to the starting point of everything...
probably the song might show you the situation through the eye of christianity
but that's not really my point here
what i'm trying to say is in life, people tend to have different



it does not really matter whenever it comes to this one thing.....
it is the thing that all of us long for, whether we realize it or not
it will eventually lingers in your mind
it consistently nags your conscience
what is it????

the thing is actually PEACE ...

or whatever names you gave it

TrAn quILyTY



the truth is...
i just want to remind you, me, myself and i
that when nothing else make sense, go back to the first thing that really make sense
and that is...the starting point of everything

the highest most devine entity which present in many terms depending on what we want to hold on to

hope it will inspire you to see the same light...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A Friend of Mine

i just accidently come across this old poem that i made about a year ago
it goes:

I used to have a friend
Forever and ever never a fiend
Striving hard together for an ambition we shared
As all my weakness he hardly cared
We went through life, high and low
Together we strive highly and shared our sorrow
Pity me, how late I discovered this treasure

For he is not around lately till forever
Forever I'm wishing that he'll be near
Sometime so much that I'm nearly in tear
As from this wide world he has gone
And news of this is widely known.

looking at it again do make me realize that i have lose so many thing in life
to be frank, i am totally agree with the saying
" You don't know what you got till it's gone."

though i've pondered about it too many times now
the lesson has not been learnt yet

pity me,pity me

My own corner

i just want to find a corner of my own. Where people just pass by and ignore my present there. i know that's not most people would want isn't it ? Nowadays lots of us are shoving our way so hard to fame. Not that i loathe the idea of being known by others or popular... It's just that i, simply lost my way in searching for myself ...

i just want some space for me to figure out and feel and so to be my own self again.....just as me,an individual

is this is it???
why,for all this while
too much have i gave away,too much have i cared for,too much have i hold on,too much have i chased....

i left myself out in the end.

so, i plea for some small space just a minute room to squeeze in ...
to be , just me.Hoping just for some pure air to breath in without the need of putting on the mask that i paraded day by day in everyday that i strive to be another some one in this world.

pathetic as it is... i won't waste much energy to ponder upon this yet, at least not yet

Therefore,in this corner, a sanctuary of my own, i, just want to be ME...
doesn't matter of what is becoming of me in the future because, the achievement of creating a corner of my own for now, have made this insignificant ,disoriented soul a bit contented of its existent..